London Calling

Losing a mother

Today, a very dear friend lost her mother.  Her death was unexpected and I imagine that my friend is both shocked and heartbroken.  Sadly, her mother was really lost to her many years ago to a mental illness.  That first loss has affected her so greatly in so many ways.  While my friend has faced many challenges and a whole bunch of sadness, she's become a strong woman and a fantastic mother.

Just a few weeks ago, she drove me home from my own mother's funeral.  On the way, we talked about my mom and the ceremony and our kids.  I told her about one of my mother's friends who was only a few years older than us.  My mom said that this woman, Michelle, hadn't had a good relationship with her own mother and they'd kind of adopted each other.  As her health deteriorated, Michelle devoted more and more time to my mom and to our family.  I'll never forget her kindness.

As we talked about Michelle, my friend confessed that she sometimes morned the loss of her mom even though she was still alive.  (This was my interpretation and not her actual words.)  At that moment, I understood at least a part of how she must have felt for her entire life.  She remembered her mom before her illness and every time she saw her must have felt similar to how I saw my own mother in the last weeks of her life.  I knew her energy and her love, but I saw less and less of her every day.

My brother and I talked today and we both said how much that last week of my mother's life had haunted us.  We can't get the image out of our minds.  It's like one of those nightmares where you wake up and try to forget the dream so that you can go back to sleep.  But you can't forget the dream. 

To my dear friend, I am so sorry for your loss -- your loss today and when you were a little girl.  I hope that you can remember your mother before her illness and forget the difficult times.

We'll always remember how greatly our mothers' have influenced our lives.  We've learned from them --through their successes and failures.  In turn, our own children will learn from us.  (Hopefully more from our successes than failures.) 

She cried and cried and cried it out

I shared our goal of starting -- finally -- to let Violet cry it out last night.  I had no idea that she would cry most of the night.  Most kids cry for an hour or two and then give up.  Not Violet.  At 10:30 she had already cried for three and a half hours and was still going strong.  London and I started to fall asleep on the couch because there was no way he could sleep upstairs next to her room. 

She had a few spans of an hour or so of sleep.  If we didn't have a video monitor with the sound turned down, we would've been up all night too.  Still, she has some serious volume and we could hear her in our bedroom.

Tonight, I thought that we'd experience more of the same.  She'd cry for a few hours at the very least.  Blue said that she had a tough time with naps in her crib today but successfully slept for two hours in the afternoon.  He was sweet and stopped by target to buy this neat sootherthat displays a light show on the wall.  He also added batteries to one of London's old crib toys.

I laid her down in her crib at around 6:15 tonight because she looked so tired.  I was so worried about hearing her cry, that I didn't even turn on the monitor for 15 minutes.  When I looked, she was playing with a crib toy.  No tears the rest of the night.  And now ... I can exhale.  Baby Violet is on her way to being a good sleeper.

"Quiet"

Taylor, London's "brother from another mother" as he likes to say, went back to Texas today.  He only spent a few weeks with us this summer.  Now that he's 16 and too cool for us, he wanted to get home quickly.  We all miss him.  Emily is always in a state of depression when he leaves.  The car will be safer though. He took part out of the side on his first trip out of the driveway.  Guess that's why teen car insurance is so expensive. 

To kick off our first night, we decided that Violet's first night in her crib was long overdue.  Her legs actually hang over the edge of her swing where she's slept so comfortably for the first seven -- yes seven -- months of her life.  She's cried for 42 minutes so far and although I have the sound off on the baby monitor, I can hear her from downstairs.  So, like any good mother, I sent Blue off to get a bottle of wine.  What do they call it?  Liquid courage?  I may need to sit outside for a while -- not that I couldn't hear her out there.  That little lady has a great set of lungs! 

Baby steps

It's been a while since I blogged.  I just haven't been able to "talk" about what has been happening.  My mom died on June 1st.  She was so dear to me and I think of her every day.  I feel a little bi-polar most days.  Anything can make me cry but I still laugh a lot -- some days more than others of course.

Today is Violet's 7 month birthday.  When I looked at my calendar at the office this morning, my heart stopped.  My mom would've called me today to remind me and to talk about Violet and all of the wonderful things that she's doing.  Just two months ago, she called me to talk about Violet's 5 month birthday.  She was excited to hear about her latest accomplishments.

Just after Violet's 6 month doctor's appointment, I sat her down on my mom's hospital bed and shared all of the details:  how much she weighed, that she sings and smiles and sat up on her own.  My mom didn't respond but I could tell that she understood. 

The afternoon before my mom died, Violet and I spent the day with her.  We sat on her bed so that she could hear Violet sing her pretty baby songs and played on the floor next to her.  Every time I see Violet, I think of my mother.  Violet looks so much like her and my last memories of my mom include Violet.  I guess that it's appropriate that she's named after her grandmother:  Violet Kathryn.